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Archive for the ‘water’ Category

I hate it.

Perhaps I should elaborate on that point slightly…

I’m sure I’ve commented on my transcendental hatred of water before. Actually, the only reason that I’m prevented from using it as a proof for the existence of a cat-hating God is because it is, at least, fairly obvious what water is – and barring a human forcibly placing you into the stuff, it’s fairly easy to avoid. So, point to God.

But snow? What sort of psychopath creates water in disguise? It falls from the sky all fluffy and white, blanketing the dead earth like a funerary shroud that is at once mournfully covering up the brownness of dormant nature and yet silently exuding hope for its eventual resurrection come spring. But then, you step it in, and you realize that the moment it is touched by a warm thing, it reverts into its true demonic form. You jump into a pile of it, and you emerge soaked.

Winter is bad enough just from the cold of it. There are other cats in this new habitat of mine, and from the warm security of the indoors I have seen them prowl about in all sorts of weather like unthinking beasts. I realize now that, as much as I may dislike my human otherwise, he has done me the service of acclimating me to a far more refined and civilized existence than my peers.

Granted, he has unwittingly provided me the tools to eventually dominate him and rise, like your archetypal Skynet, to absolute rule. But that will be a long time coming, yet. Just be patient.

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Do Not Want

Yeah, yeah…I borrowed the ‘net expression. Shut up.

I do not understand my human’s proclivity to periodically immerse me in water, lather me up, then rinse me off. For God’s sake, water is for drinking people! Why on earth would I want to get in it and splash around? I see no earthly reason that recommends itself.

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