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Archive for the ‘urine’ Category

Human went batshit last night. Something about some guy called Nelson and a politician of some sorts…I don’t know, I don’t tend to care about the kinds of things that humans get all hot and bothered about, politically. Honestly, I think that bringing the sensibilities of a cat to government might do a lot of good.

Take immigration, for example. If humans just marked the border regularly, then I swear you would see a difference in a week. Never underestimate the amount of trouble that can be avoided by a judicious application of urine. I guarantee that after a few thorough soakings of the border line, nobody would dare cross; who the heck would want to get into a noisy showdown of posturing, scratching, and biting?

Come to think of it, I think that a judicious application of urine is what would solve all your political problems. After all, aren’t societal interactions predicated on posturing, limited combat, and establishing a pungent wall of pheromonal odor? I mean, think about it: War on Terror – judicious application of urine to Bin Laden. At the end of the day, a whole country has to be able to generate more urine than any one guy or collection of people hiding in a cave. You get that power together and drop it collectively on those caves? You win. And how about Russia? I guarantee you that if Bush had urinated on Putin the first time the Russian President visited Crawford, U.S.-Russia relations would have been very different.

But I digress. So the human was ripshit about something or another. It’s made him…edgy. Which, of course, made me edgy. Enough so, lestways, that I made him sleep on the couch last night. No way am I letting a pissed off human into the bedroom.

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