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Archive for the ‘solitude’ Category

One thing you’ve got to realize about me is that my childhood was one of extraordinary privilege. I had canned tuna whenever I wanted it; There was a seemingly unlimited amount of space to run around in; I was the only kitten in the habitat. However, one of the things that I’m discovering that I took for granted in the old place was hardwood flooring.

I know, it sounds silly, especially for a cat. Normally, I’d say that I don’t give a rat’s ass about what the floor is made of…that is a uniquely human concern, along with such things as the elusive “Bigfoot,” or the even more mythical “Mideast Peace.” Certainly the composition of the floor is beneath a cat’s concern, unless of course the floor is becoming water. But that almost never happens.

As mundane as floor materials are, I have discovered one way in which the question seems to impact my life. As I said before, the floors of my childhood are made of wood. It would seem that the floors of my adolescence and early adulthood are to be made of carpet, and a strange shiny material that the Human calls “linoleum.” Well, there’s a really important difference between wood and carpet – carpet absorbs things. When I was little, it never seemed to do more than mildly annoy the human when I would clear the hair our of my throat, which he referred to as “yakking up a hairball.” Now, though, if I’m standing on the carpet and I give the human any indication that said “yakking” might possibly ensue, then he makes some very…interesting noises. I’m also fairly certain that my life has been threatened on more than one occasion.

I don’t think that I have much say in the matter, but if I have to change habitats again, I want nothing to do with carpet. Absorbency is a valuable quality in towels and whatnot, but I’m afraid of it in my floor.

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Well, he’s back – and with a veritable assload of Christmas loot. DVDs, clothes, and this weird machine that he plugs in and turns on which vibrates. He wears it on his shoulders like its some kind of article of clothing…it creeps me out.

Anyway, the vacation appears to be over for me, although I did have some fun while I had the place to myself. Got into the kitchen (which I never get to do – he has problems for some reason letting up on the counter) and knocked some stuff over. High old time.

In other news, I was surfing the web while he was gone, and found some disturbing videos that I’m inclined to share with you. I look at these less as examples of how humans demean us as a race, but more as examples of how willing some of “the brethren” are to make asses of themselves for human amusement.

This one is just ridiculous, for the simple reason that no self-respecting cat is going to get that far and go all stiff. That was a trick, pure and simple. If I started a leap and realized that I was going to fail to clear the obstacle, I would actually use my hind legs. They have claws for a goddamn reason. That animal was just looking for attention, and it’s depressing.

Now I’ll be the first to admit, some of this behavior is not the product of feline attention-whoring. Some of it is just normal cat interaction; other of it is normal cat-human interaction. But some of that stuff was just out-and-out retarded. I think we’d get a bit more respect if we didn’t in fact do that sort of thing so much. I somehow doubt that we became deities in Egypt because of our cute antics. Now those people, they knew how to treat a cat with respect.

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Well, the human is gone to his family’s for Christmas festivities.  He took his laptop with him, but there’s another computer in the apartment that I am making use of.  The Mac Mini normally functions as a headless hub for media and such, but plugging in the secondary monitor and the wireless receiver of an old keyboard/mouse setup that I found in a drawer has turned it into my own personal web portal.  Which I will be exploiting, believe-you-me.  Just have to make sure that I get it all back to the way it was before he comes back…whenever that is.

Not that I’m worried or anything.  Before he left, the biped was kind enough to clean out the litter box, see that I had enough food and water, and generally “secure” the place for my autonomous occupancy.  I just don’t know when precisely his return is.  I know it will be at least until tomorrow evening, but it may stretch out into the next day, and I don’t want to have to keep plugging and unplugging peripherals every time I want to make a goddamn post or surf the web.  You think typing without thumbs is challenging (and it is) then you should try to plug in USB and DVI ports with paws.  Go on, try it.  I dare you.

Anyway, now for some sleep, followed by eating, more sleeping, and potentially some relieving of myself.  Have fun y’all.

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