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Archive for the ‘politics’ Category

On the Passing of Socks

You may or may not have noticed, but this past week saw the passing of Socks, a great example to the Feline-American community. Many of you may not remember Socks, who rose to celebrity as the cat adopted by Chelsea Clinton when her father was governor of Arkansas. When the Clintons moved into the White House, Socks was given free reign of the presidential residence -a distinction few in the world can ever claim to enjoy. Even after the public relations debacle that was the adoption of the canine scourge known as Buddy, Socks carried on with dignity as a senior member of the Clinton family.

What Socks taught millions of bipeds in this country is that cats are not the capricious animals that the negative stereotypes often portray us as. Rather, we are the perfect meritocrats. We care about the things that line up with our interests: food, warmth, shelter, dryness…and occasionally cuddles. We aren’t hung up on approval ratings, criminal conduct, or freaky oral sex – unless any of those things impact one of the aforementioned items that we are interested in.

Does this make us evil? No. Does it make us better than you bald chimps? Yes. Which is why you had better keep the food coming.

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Human went batshit last night. Something about some guy called Nelson and a politician of some sorts…I don’t know, I don’t tend to care about the kinds of things that humans get all hot and bothered about, politically. Honestly, I think that bringing the sensibilities of a cat to government might do a lot of good.

Take immigration, for example. If humans just marked the border regularly, then I swear you would see a difference in a week. Never underestimate the amount of trouble that can be avoided by a judicious application of urine. I guarantee that after a few thorough soakings of the border line, nobody would dare cross; who the heck would want to get into a noisy showdown of posturing, scratching, and biting?

Come to think of it, I think that a judicious application of urine is what would solve all your political problems. After all, aren’t societal interactions predicated on posturing, limited combat, and establishing a pungent wall of pheromonal odor? I mean, think about it: War on Terror – judicious application of urine to Bin Laden. At the end of the day, a whole country has to be able to generate more urine than any one guy or collection of people hiding in a cave. You get that power together and drop it collectively on those caves? You win. And how about Russia? I guarantee you that if Bush had urinated on Putin the first time the Russian President visited Crawford, U.S.-Russia relations would have been very different.

But I digress. So the human was ripshit about something or another. It’s made him…edgy. Which, of course, made me edgy. Enough so, lestways, that I made him sleep on the couch last night. No way am I letting a pissed off human into the bedroom.

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