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Archive for the ‘me’ Category

I hate it.

Perhaps I should elaborate on that point slightly…

I’m sure I’ve commented on my transcendental hatred of water before. Actually, the only reason that I’m prevented from using it as a proof for the existence of a cat-hating God is because it is, at least, fairly obvious what water is – and barring a human forcibly placing you into the stuff, it’s fairly easy to avoid. So, point to God.

But snow? What sort of psychopath creates water in disguise? It falls from the sky all fluffy and white, blanketing the dead earth like a funerary shroud that is at once mournfully covering up the brownness of dormant nature and yet silently exuding hope for its eventual resurrection come spring. But then, you step it in, and you realize that the moment it is touched by a warm thing, it reverts into its true demonic form. You jump into a pile of it, and you emerge soaked.

Winter is bad enough just from the cold of it. There are other cats in this new habitat of mine, and from the warm security of the indoors I have seen them prowl about in all sorts of weather like unthinking beasts. I realize now that, as much as I may dislike my human otherwise, he has done me the service of acclimating me to a far more refined and civilized existence than my peers.

Granted, he has unwittingly provided me the tools to eventually dominate him and rise, like your archetypal Skynet, to absolute rule. But that will be a long time coming, yet. Just be patient.

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I need alternatives to my current computer situation. Sure, I lucked out today inasmuch as the Human left his laptop in the habitat without closing the lid, but I can’t rely on that happening every time.

It’s probably something humans take for granted, but practically the whole of your technology is predicated on having opposable thumbs. Sure, I managed to figure out a way to type on a keyboard without them; but you just try to open the lid of a two-year-old MacBook Pro without employing thumbs. Oh – and imagine all your fingers are really stubby, and the range of motion you currently tale for granted in your arms is suddenly merely a fraction of what it is now. That would be my current conundrum.

So that’s the situation I find myself in at the moment. I need some way of consistently making posts if I’m really going to keep this blogging thing up, while negotiating the ins and outs of this new habitat.

That is a whole different story, though. I’ll tell that tale in good time. For now, au revoir.

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I meant to post this earlier, but extenuating circumstances – which I shall explain further down the line – prevented it.

Anyway, remember how I said I had the gut feeling that something was afoot the other day? Well, I was right. A whole load of humans showed up in the afternoon and spent hours socializing with my human, shared a meal, and were much taken with yours truly. As is only fitting. I don’t think that the other humans understand the pecking order around here, generally speaking. They don’t seem to get the fact that this apartment is ruled by a hierarchy of two, and that anyone else is an interloper that must show the proper respect.

As it is, they managed to royally freak me out. It’s difficult to deal with, because not only are they ignorant of the pecking order, but they are significantly bigger than me. What’s a cat to do? In the end, I figure it was easier to make lemons out of lemonade and just play with ’em. Some of them seemed to understand what was going on, it served to effectively cow others…All in all, it was what I wanted. It was more fun that I usually get to have, because my human has made it abundantly clear that rough play isn’t acceptable behavior between us two.

Speaking of my human, he’s the reason I was so bloody held up in making this post. I don’t know precisely what happened…he went to sleep fine on Sunday, but when he woke up on Monday it was all sorts of complaining and what looked like a lot of discomfort. No clue where it came from except that it must’ve been one of his friends, but he needed a lot of nursing yesterday and today. I just hope it’s not contagious and that it goes away soon. He gets whiny when he’s sick.

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I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ve been cooped up in the bedroom all day while the human has been getting is clean on like I’ve never seen, ever.

I swear to Pete, something is going down and I have a funny feeling that I’m going to have mixed feelings about it. I’ll let you know more as events develop.

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He did it. The bugger actually cleaned the whole bloody kitchen.

Well, I should qualify that a bit. He certainly cleaned the kitchen, but he hasn’t turned his attentions to the countertops at all, and damn there is a lot of crap on those. My suspicion is he knows I want to get up there and climb behind the microwave – who the hell doesn’t want to crawl behind the microwave sometimes – and so he’s making it as difficult as possible for me, because for some reason he has a problem with me in the food prep area.

I swear that was his plan way back in the summer, when he totally didn’t warn me that the oven door was hot. Sure, he was pulling a pizza out at the time, but he could have called out something…I was only like a month old at that point. How was I supposed to know that streaming currents of hot air coming out of a weird box in the kitchen denoted burning and doom? I’m still not over that…and I’m still not convinced when he tells me the oven doesn’t have it out for me. He said the same thing about the refrigerator, but every time he goes to get something out of there and I slip in after him to look around, it tries to shut the door and eat me.

No…I don’t trust the oven.

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Well tie me down and shave me pink…the human actually washed dishes last night…and today. And has started, generally speaking, to clean this habitat of ours. I’m honestly relieved. I thought I was going to have to start doing it myself soon. And there are things in this apartment I really wasn’t looking forward to giving a tongue bath to.

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What else would you expect from the pet of a liberal arts student?

Yes, I said pet. That’s what the human calls me, at least. So for the sake of argument, we’ll leave it there until I have time to cook up a good explanation of how I see myself. Try to get over it.

There, I think that’s a pretty impressive first entry, considering the author. Will write more as time permits, and human moves fat rear away from computer.

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