Archive for the ‘freedom’ Category

Guess What

I’m back. * cue evil music score *

The human is on the road this weekend, so I get a rare respite. I wonder what sort of chaos I can get up to in the meantime…


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I’m going to get a better understanding of how “outside” works.

It’s not as if I don’t get the idea of a physically three-dimensional volume of space, or my existence in it. And I’m leaving the whole “space-time” concept alone, just as much as I’m not going anywhere ek-sistance for the time being. Heidegger makes my head hurt. I don’t even want to try to think
about reading any of Heidegger’s cat’s writings yet. That animal could fucking explicate.

Nevertheless, you’ve got to realize that my practical experience with large-volume spaces is fairly limited. I live in a 1-bedroom apartment, on the 2nd floor of a 3-floor apartment building – oh, and there’s a basement. All that I’ve got down pat. I figured out the 3-floor limit last week when I went out for a constitutional and ended up heading for higher ground in a bid to escape the big lummox, who thought I was trying to “run away” or some nonsense. The dipwad just doesn’t seem to get that I’ve been cooped up in that damn apartment since the weather turned cold, and I’m a little stir crazy. But I digress.

The fact is, that I have gotten outside, but the experience is a little different than the way in which I gather most humans and dogs get to do it. I get put in an aerated container, carried to a car, taken somewhere, and released. I’m not particularly cool with this process for a couple of reasons: 1) I don’t like moving without being able to see where I’m going, and when the container is in the passenger seat of the human’s car, I get a stunning view of a closed glove compartment – somewhat underwhelming; and 2) it seems to be something of an even split where I end up when I go into the container – either I end up in the park, free for a while to run about in a more natural setting than the apartment can afford, or I end up at that den of sadists called the “vet’s office.” Let me tell you, I have a low tolerance for the human I’m familiar with poking and prodding and whatnot; the SOB in the scrubs is going nowhere near me with that bloody needle. I got surprised the first time; the second time they held me down; the third time they drugged me – and when I woke up my testicles were fucking gone. The next time, I will be prepared. There will be a reckoning, believe you me.

Damn, that was a trifle unfocused. Oh well…that’s what happens every time I put beer in the saucer. I’ve really got to lay off the booze.

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Well, I have passed another milestone in my quest to overcome my handicap of thumblessness.

The human came home again, and had objections to me wanting to climb the artificial tree he’s had up for the past month. I don’t know why…there were never any presents under it or anything. At any rate, I apparently made him lose patience by repeatedly doing this, so he put me in the bedroom and closed the door. This put me away from where I can have the most fun – read “annoying the hell out the the giant lummox” – and so I did what I usually do: leap at the door and scratch at it until he gets fed up again and lets me out.

But that’s not what happened. What happened was that at the climax of my endeavors, I made a leap for the doorknob and grabbed it. Then, wonder of wonders, it turned, and the door swung to enough that I was able to get out.

Not only have I overcome the lack-of-thumbs issue, but I’ve overcome the height deficit to boot. Soon I’ll be able to get out of this apartment on my own…all, the glories of almost tasted freedom.

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