I hate it.

Perhaps I should elaborate on that point slightly…

I’m sure I’ve commented on my transcendental hatred of water before. Actually, the only reason that I’m prevented from using it as a proof for the existence of a cat-hating God is because it is, at least, fairly obvious what water is – and barring a human forcibly placing you into the stuff, it’s fairly easy to avoid. So, point to God.

But snow? What sort of psychopath creates water in disguise? It falls from the sky all fluffy and white, blanketing the dead earth like a funerary shroud that is at once mournfully covering up the brownness of dormant nature and yet silently exuding hope for its eventual resurrection come spring. But then, you step it in, and you realize that the moment it is touched by a warm thing, it reverts into its true demonic form. You jump into a pile of it, and you emerge soaked.

Winter is bad enough just from the cold of it. There are other cats in this new habitat of mine, and from the warm security of the indoors I have seen them prowl about in all sorts of weather like unthinking beasts. I realize now that, as much as I may dislike my human otherwise, he has done me the service of acclimating me to a far more refined and civilized existence than my peers.

Granted, he has unwittingly provided me the tools to eventually dominate him and rise, like your archetypal Skynet, to absolute rule. But that will be a long time coming, yet. Just be patient.

I understand water. I drink it, I’ve watched it fall out of the sky, and (the horror, the horror) I’ve been immersed in it. The human calls that last one a “bath”; I call it “evil.” But for the second or third time, now, I’m sitting by the window watching this weird white particulate come out of the sky. What the heck is it?

According to Wikipedia, it is called “snow,” and it’s basically frozen water. I’m still not clear about the distinction between snow and ice, all things being equal, but now I’m curious. What does it feel like? What does it smell like?

The major obstacle to my discovery is, of course, the lummox. I know it’s cold out…the last time we went to the part, it was very chilly. I had no idea air could get that cold outside of a refrigerator. This is a problem for me, because I’m not that partial to chilliness. And the human knows this. I don’t yet know how to get around the problem, but we’ll figure something out, I’m sure.

More on this as it develops.